EPISODE 5: RAINING COWS AND HOGS

Isabelle: "I think I'm beginning to understand the crazed lunatics I have on my tribe, or whatever. You know, they're strong yet weak, smart yet stupid. I hate to say it but I'd prefer some of the other tribe, to be completely honest. Whitney is in dire need of some lessons, Linda, well, someone please tell her this isn't some game she's controlling. All this talk about pressing this key or cheating with this code. We get it, you're weird. It was so heartbreaking to see Ambrose go home, she didn't talk, which made her a lot less annoying. Now, that Caden fellow is sweet, but he is a man. Correcting grammar and such is a useful skill in the tropical isles. Midge, what a name! Too bad he too is a man. I think that's all of them. It's not? Oh. I hadn't planned anything for Adriano. That's not his name? Pity."

Production Guy: "Are you always this cranky?"

Isabelle: "I'll give you something to think about. Ever had controlling parents? Never live by their rules forever."

Whitney: “Ugh! Oh.. Em... Gee! Jaden is such a meanie bobeanie! He like totally called me a psycho! But I CAN'T read minds! RuuuUUUUDdddeee!!! I wish I was a pyscho and could read peoples minds! I would totally like read the mind of the parrot... I like totally wanna know what she's thinking! That or I'd like totally wanna know what Brent thinks of my hair... Oh! Silly me. He's like totally deaf! He can't see my hair. Oopsies!"

Midge: "Well. That went interestingly."

Izzy: "Someone flipped, that's for sure. But I'd rather keep another penis around than a va-jay-jay. Hahaha!!"

Caden: "I don't think I heard that right, so I'll keep my mouth shut."

Tony: "Brent wasn't kidding. That tropical storm is approaching at mad speeds. We should get more foliage before we hit the hay. Our current structure won't hold up to the winds of this incoming cyclone."

Linda: "Shall we sing the 'Rain Rain Go Away' song?"

Whitney: "PFT! That's just silly, Lindy. You can't just like, WILL weather to go away! That's like totally not how our solar system works."

Midge: "This camp already feels empty without Ambrose here. She added a lot to this group."

Tony: "Yeah, she was nice to have, good comic relief, at least. But her absolute refusal to communicate verbally drove me up the wall. To be honest.... I'm glad she's the one who got the axe." 

Whitney: "Someone got an axe?? NO FAIR!"

Linda: "'Tis okay, Whitney. I've got one in my inventory! Although it would need sharpening before use."

Izzy: "Axe in your pants? Is that what I just heard? Can I get a 'closet hermaphrodite' up in HERE?? I'm sure someone can sharpen that axe of yours...." ;-)

 EVERYONE: "......"

Tony: "What is even going on right now."

Izzy: "I'm KIDDING! Gosh, you guys need to lighten up. We're all adults here, right? Let's have some fun! That's what we're here for, right? Yes, we're here for the money as well, but ultimately this is a GAME. So let's enjoy ourselves, yee?"

Caden: "What in the world is 'yee'?"

Izzy: "Yes, you goof!"

Caden: "The pronunciation of 'yes' is 'yes'. Just thought I'd share that nice little tip with you."

Izzy: "You're seriously such a buzzkill sometimes."

Caden: "Speak for yourself, crazy girl."

Izzy: "When am I EVER a buzzkill? I'm the life of the party!!"

Caden: "You're the life of a cemetery is what you are. During the day, at least.... What even is with that?"

Tony: "Okay girls and gents, let's simmer it down a little bit, alright?"

 Midge: "Are we seriously not going to discuss what went down at tribal? Ambrose got way more votes than she was supposed to. Not that I'm complaining. It's just not what I was expecting. Like, totally not at all."

 Whitney: "Hey that's my line!!"

Linda: "I'm not sure that is something we should talk about in a public forum." 

Caden: "Agreed."

Midge: "What? Why not? Why shouldn't we talk about it? Things CLEARLY aren't as black and white as we thought. It's for sure not men versus women, either."

Izzy: "I'm telling you, that hermaphrodite over there is guilty for murking things up!! Heehee!"

Midge: "You're guilty for being off your meds is what you are."

Linda: "I agree with Tony. Let's not tear at each other's throats. We're all just confused, thrilled, emotional, and tired all at once. We can clear the air in the morning. I'm going to bed. I suggest the rest of you do the same. We need to keep our strength up for tomorrow's mission! I refuse to lose another challenge."

Linda: “To be honest, I didn't really vote with the girls. Isabelle wanted to be with the girls because she believes the Mole is a boy since she finds men to be distrustful (which is her personal opinion) and the Mole was a girl last season and she thinks the producers wants to make the mole a boy because of that (which isn't much of a reason since the Mole of Season 2 and Season 3 were both boys). The guys kinda guarantee me a spot in the final four while Isabelle didn't really give anything for me to be in an alliance with them. She could of at least given me cake. I know that she isn't GLaDOS so I know the cake wouldn't be a lie. Plus, I am somewhat more suspicious of the girls than the boys so I rather be align with the boys because of that. 

You can say that I am like the Spy from Team Fortress 2. I am kinda making the girls believe I'm with them. However, I am currently with the guys right now as I am telling them information about Whitney and Isabelle are saying. However, if I get the feeling I'm the fourth person of their alliance, then I will do something about it. I normally don't like doing this kind of deception but this is a game for up to two million dollars. In many video games I have played, I am forced to be in a deceptive role as even when I do not want to, I know that I have to. Besides. like Undertale, this reality show fills me with determination.”

.:: Day 5 ::.

Plum: "How soon is the mission again?"

Mason: "20 minutes. We can start walking now if you guys wan-"

Georgie: "-NO! GOD no. I'm stayin' right here, up nice and close and personal with this here fire."

Plum: "Yeah, it's too cold. And windy. And wet. I've seen colder up at the Big Apple, but only from behind glass windows. Being stuck out here, drenched and hungry, really, really stinks."

Artie: "I am 'oping for anodzer artsy mizzion. Like ze premier one! Wiz ze tribal flag! Zat was very fun."

Rue: "Another mental one would be nice, like the family feud mission. Maybe this one will be some kind of large puzzle game. That would be neat."

Mason: "The Mole is known for their puzzley games, right? I liked that Pirate mission they did back in season 3. The contestants were essentially detectives, but in the shoes of prisoners! They had to figure their way out of their holding cell, by finding materials and tools to help them escape. Not to brag, because I'm not the braggy type at all, hehe.... But uh, I do think I would have been good at that mission!"

 Adrian: "As for me, I'm hoping for a physical challenge. This weather's got me all stir crazy and sprung tight. I need to loosen my muscles a bit and show that Viperfang tribe the true strength of us Bloodclaws. I'd like to dwindle their numbers down till only one Viperfang stands; and it would be very likely that person would be the Mole."

Rue: "I'm sure they have a system in place to prevent that- I mean, the executives and producers. They would certainly have us merge before that time arrived."
Adrian: "It's a smart strategy though, you've got to admit."
Plum: "I think it's getting near time to head on out. We shan't be late to a very important date!"
Mason: "Let's go team!!"
Adrian: "We've got to win again, everyone. I'm not accepting another defeat."

BRENT: "COME ON IN, GUYS!"

 BRENT: "Bloodclaw, getting your first look at Viperfang."

 BRENT: "AMBROSE voted out in the last Tribal Execution.... Yes, you heard that correctly. She was voted out by her tribe after being apart of the tie."

Rue: "Wow!"
Georgie: "Ambrose?! That little gally couldn't even talk, dontcha know??"
Artie: "Sérieusement! I zink it makes more senze to target stronger candidats, no? Candidats zat actually speaksh Anglais!"
Adrian: "Ironic coming from you, dontcha zink?"
Mason: *snorts*
Plum: "You made fun of Artie and Georgie's accent in one go! Impressive!"

Whitney: "Uhm, HELLO? Could someone like, lend a hand please?"
Tony: "No, no Whitney. Not this time! You need to start learning how to do things on your own. Come on, you can do it. It's only a few feet up!"

Whitney: "....You monster!"

 BRENT: "Looks like the rains' REALLY startin' to come down now!!"
Isabelle: "Ouch!"

Tony: "Are you okay? You need help getting up?"
Isabelle: "No! Get off me!"

Tony: "Sorry!"
Isabelle: "I just stepped on a rock is all. I am not Whitney. Therefore, I am not a helpless, attention-craving toddler. Understand?"
Tony: "Yeah...."

BRENT: "Okay, contestants! Can you all hear me over the rain? Yes? Please nod your head if you can.... Yeah? Okay, so before we start with our third mission.... I need you guys to order yourselves from WEAKEST TO STRONGEST, physically, ranking amongst your own gender as well.
Once you have that sorted out, you may have a seat."

 *****


Mason: "Wait, where did Brent go??"

Georgie: "I don't know, dearie. I don't keep track of that boy! This is my vacation off from having to keep track of mine own little younglin's running to and fro."

Mason: "I sometimes wish I had kids to keep track of myself...."
Georgie: "Then why dontcha find yahself a nice girl and settle down?"
Mason: "Easier said than done, unfortunately...."

Georgie: "Oh, come on! With a handsome face like yours and, and.... beautiful, er.... locks like yours, you could get yahself any gal you wanted!"

Mason: "Really? You think so?"

Georgie: "Of course! Any gal would be lucky to be with you."

Mason: "No, I mean, you think my hair is beautiful??"

Georgie: "Errrm.... sure, yeah, of course, sugah!"
Artie: "Not as beau as mien, zough! Jahaha!! But lez discuss ze mission. I am ze weakest, clairement."

Artie: "Zat just leaves Ms. 'Zobble et Ms. Parzons. I would déclarer zat Plum iz next."

Plum: "Uhm.... I do not think so, actually. My physical strength is only sub par, I know, but I carried a bamboo shoot when Georgie couldn't."
Georgie: "She ain't wrong."

Rue: "Then the order will be Artie, then Georgie, and Plum as the strongest out of the females."
 Adrian: "Alright, who then is the strongest of the guys?"
Plum: "Oh, don't pretend to be humble, Adrian. It's you, clearly."
Rue: "I'm not so sure about that.... Look at those abs on Mason!"
Adrian: "Watch yourself kid."
Rue: "Sorry?"
Adrian: "You better watch what you say from now on, or else."
Rue: "...."
Adrian: "......I'm just teasin' with you, man! Hey Mason, ab contest?"

 Mason: "Okay?"

Georgie: "I dunno.... It's a close one!"

 Whitney: "Well, I like totally don't want to have to admit to it, but my arms are BASICALLY twigs!"
Midge: "So does that leave Linda as strongest woman on our tribe?"

Isabelle: "Yes, Linda is likely superior to me in that regard. I cannot say I have much upper-arm strength."
Linda: "I was nearly killed in many video games that I were in but I am still alive so I could be the strongest? I don't know, just spit-balling here....Wait guys, I think we may have an audience...."

 Tony: "Yes, we know millions of people will be watching this. Is that supposed to be news?"
Linda: "No, I mean here, now. Look for yourself."

Whitney: "Yikesies! What is Dr. Evil doing here??"
Isabelle: "Doctor who?"
Whitney: "No, not that doctor. Doctor EVIL."
Isabelle: "Doctor Evil?"
Whitney: "Yeah!"
Isabelle: "I do not get it."
Whitney: "Austin Powers, silly!"
Isabelle: "Not ringing any bells."
Whitney: "Short bald guy who sucks on his pinkie??"
Isabelle: "...."
Whitney: "....Fluffy white cat on his lap?!"
Isabelle: ".....Is that a Mr. Fluffers reference, or-"
Whitney: "-NO! Guuurl, you totes have some catching up to dooo, like SIRiously! Where have you been like all your life??"
Isabelle: "In my parent's prison...."

 Linda: "May I help you, sir?"

 ???: "Greetings! They call me Din-Sun, and I am studying to be a Blue Tygr. I am seeking my trainer, Red Dragn. I have heard that his existence lies here, with you."

Linda: "Uhm.... I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, dude. No 'Red Dragn' lives here, at least to the best of my knowledge. You must be a lost traveler from the land of Skyrim. Has a new Dragonborn been born or something?"

Din-Sun: "No, you are mistaken. I am not associated with any Dragonborn, just looking for the Master Red Dragn. Please, I have traveled very far to receive my training from thy master."

Din-Sun: "Perhaps.... Perhaps he does not go by his martial arts name here. His natural born name is Antoine, I believe. I was told I could find Antoine on The Mole, and I have searched far and wide to get here, and now I am here, and I must speak with Antoine."

Linda: "Ohhhhhh boy. How should I deliver this one.... Mr. Dim sum, I'm afraid Antoine has already been on The Mole, and has left long ago. He's not here. I'm sorry."

 Din-Sun: "Do you mean to tell me I traveled all this way, hiked upon miles of land, climbed all those high mountains, trekked through all those treacherous rainforests, swam my way across all those rivers, sailed all the way across the ocean to where I am standing now, only to find out after TWO WHOLE YEARS that the Red Dragn isn't here, and that I have run into a dead end?"

 Linda: "Err..... Yeah. I do mean to tell you that. However, I do know that Antoine lives somewhere in.... Where was it... OH! I know, around- wait...."

Linda: "Where'd he go?! Huh..... That's strange. Either he's as stealthy as Edward from Assassin's Creed or someone used the 'Object: Delete' cheat on him.... OR he was secretly Killer Moth in disguise, one of Batman's enemies, and flew away....
....Oh well. Guess we'll never know now!"

Linda: "So what's the scoop, guys?"
Caden: "WHAT?!"

Caden: "Why am I the weakest guy? Just because I'm not covered in hair like you damn dogs??"

Midge: "Sorry, but Tony is obviously the most athletic one here. And I'm not far behind him, which leaves you in last...."

Caden: "Ridiculous. Just ridiculous."
Adrian: "Whatcha staring at, sweetheart?"

Plum: "Huh? N-nothing.... I'm just.... eavesdropping. Gathering intel, you know."
Adrian: "Intel on what Caden might look like without those swim trunks on?"
Plum: "Oh, that's just ludicrous, Adrian. That thought never even crossed my mind."
Adrian: "Yeah. SURE it didn't...."

Mason: "So, uh, is everyone good on the order?"

Mason: "Artie, Georgie, Plum, Rue, myself, and Adrian?"
Artie: "Sounds bien pour moi!"

BRENT: "LINE UP!"

BRENT: "...Oh. I was just joking, mates! Why so serious?? Hehehe, but anyway...
If your order is set, you may sit."

Tony: "The chairs are wet, Brent."
BRENT: "And?"
Tony: "We've decided not to sit down."

BRENT: "That.... that makes absolutely no sense. I'm going to assume I read that wrong because that's just bonkers. Your bloody arses are already soaked!!
Alright.... Onto the mission at hand!"

BRENT: "Over yonder are two poles. One at a time, two of you are going to swim over there and climb onto one. 1 Bloodclaw and 1 Viperfang."

BRENT: "The goal is simple; knock your opponent off their pole. First to fall off the totem pole loses.
 Punching and hitting is STRICTLY forbidden! Pushing, shoving, kicking, and pulling is allowed, however.
Winner of the match gets a token. After all 6 matches, whichever tribe has the MOST tokens will win tribal immunity, and will be exempt from taking the quiz."

BRENT: "The catch is, in order to add points, you need both to agree to a DRAW. You can agree to a draw at any point during your match, and it will be finalized by a shake of the hand. In the event of a draw, the duel is over, and 35 points are added to the communal pot. Since there are 6 matches, each worth 35 points, that brings this mission to a potential gain of 210 points."

BRENT: "And that's that. The results of each duel will be a secret until after the mission, though. So after you've gone and swam back over here to sit down, you may NOT communicate about how your match went. I won't be able to hear you, obviously, but then again neither would a hearing person over this incoming typhoon, so we'll have the camera crew on watch to prevent cheating."

BRENT: "And if you haven't figured it out already, the match-ups are determined by the order you just made; weakest player on Viperfang versus weakest player on Bloodclaw, so on and so forth. So the person sitting behind you or in front of you will be your opponent."

BRENT: "GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY ELSE!"

Whitney: "Oh MY GODDDD!!! Guuuuys, it's basically raining like cows and hogs out here!"

Whitney: "As much as this is like totally not so good for my flawless hair, I can't help but think how FUN this will be!!"
Georgie: "Girl, don't you even get me STARTED on how this rain will ruin mah perfect hair day today... Mm-mhm, nuh-huh. No siree bob! I ain't even gonna get myself started!"

*Brent climbs up on platform*

BRENT: "First up.... The 'strongest'! And if my eyes don't deceive me, that's Adrian and Tony! Come on down, guys!"

Adrian: "Sweet."
Tony: "Time for some divertente!!"

Midge: "Does that mean something to do with diving, or....?"

Artie: "No, 'divertente' iz Italian for amusant.... Ermmm, or en Anglais, 'fun'."
Tony: "Yes indeedy!"

BRENT: "Please climb onto the top of your tribe's pole."

BRENT: "Survivors ready?"

 Adrian: "Yes."
 

Tony: "Bring it on, brother!"

BRENT: "GO!!"

*Tony kicks at Adrian's knee*

Adrian: "Ah!!"

Adrian: "You don't even want to consider going for a draw??"

Tony: "Not particularly. I want immunity tomorrow night-"

*Tony pushes Adrian's chest*

Adrian: "Gah! Wait!"

Tony: "Sorry, nothing personal."

Adrian: "Oh yeah? Well, this is!"

Tony: "Ugh!"

Tony: "Woahohooo!"

Adrian: "Now. Before I off you.... Do you want to make a deal or not?"

Tony: "Why you want a draw so bad?"

Adrian: "I don't, but we should at least consider it, right?"

Tony: "Well, right. I don't know. Either option is good to me, honestly. The only thing is, I'm not sure I can rely on my tribe to pull this through, that's why I want to win."

Adrian: "Your call. But keep in mind, I like money."

 Tony: "Hmmm.... To draw or not to draw...."

Adrian: "You better hurry up before I change my mind."

Tony: "I can push you off right now as well, you stronzo."

Adrian: "I suppose you could, but I don't think you will."

Tony: "Yeah? And why's that?"

Adrian: "Because we all know that 35 K could really help you jump-start your 'PIZZA-PIEE-UH!'  business."  *snickers*

Tony: "....Okay. Fine. Let's shake hands."

Adrian: "Yeah?"

Tony: "Yeah, let's do it."

Adrian: "Good, because I can do a LOT with 35,000 dollars."

Tony: "I bet."

Adrian: "Wait, no!"

Adrian: "Ahhh!!"

Adrian: "Fuck!"

BRENT: "Well then.... I suppose we have a winner? That was a bit of foul play, although pretending to shake hands was never considered a foul in the rulebook, so Tony, you won fair and square....
+1 token for Viperfang!!

Tony: "La vittoria è mia!!"

 BRENT: "BRING ON THE NEXT CONTENDERS!!"

BRENT: "SURVIVORS READY?"

Mason: "I am, Brent."

Midge: "Oh yeah!!"

BRENT: "GO!!"

Mason: "Ah!! What are you doing??"
Midge: "Chill, man! Just gettin' ready in case you strike first!"

Mason: "Stop that! Don't push me yet! We should talk first."
Midge: "Fine then..... Talk."
Mason: "Lower your arms first.... I can see it in your eyes, you're waiting to attack me!!"

Midge: "Okay, okay.... I'll put my arms down if you stop freaking out.
What are we going to do here?"

 Mason: "Phew.... Okay. As much as safety sounds good, that money sounds even better."

 Midge: "But you won't even GET the money if you're executed before then."

 Mason: "True, but you can trust me. Immunity only benefits one of us; the money can benefit both, potentially. And honestly, I'm afraid I might just fall off this thing all on my own, hehe, soooo.... Let's make a deal quick and get this over with!"

Midge: "I don't trust you. Who says you won't just yank me off my platform the moment I extend my arm out? Nope, not happening today, buddy!"

Mason: "What?! NO!"

Mason: "Gah!!"

*SPLASH*

BRENT: "OOH! Whatta fall that was!!"

Midge: "Nice try, Mason, better luck next time."

Mason: "Ditto! Er, well, I mean.... Never mind, thanks. Bye Marge! I love you!! ....Wait, shit, that's not what I- I swear, I didn't mean that!! I know your name's Midge. My nana's name is Marge, you see, and my mind sort of did a backflip there and I thought... OH, FORGET IT!"

BRENT: "Hold up, Midge! I sense some confusion. Mason should be celebrating, not you."

 Midge: "Huh? Why? I won."

 BRENT: "Well, not according to this handy-dandy imaginary rulebook, ya didn't! If my noggin' remembers correctly, the loser of the duel is whoever falls off their platform first. NOT who hit the water first. Your feet left the surface of your pole before Mason's did, and therefore, Mason has won this duel.
+1 for Bloodclaw!!"

Mason: "Wait, really?! Oh boy, is my tribe going to be proud of me!! I'll just have to leave out a few details of what transpired.... A little white lie never hurt no one, did it?"
 Midge: "Seriously? Fine, I suppose that's fair.... Drats."
Mason: "Good game, Marge- I mean, Midge! MIDGE."

 BRENT: "Bring on out the NEXT CONTENDERS, PLEASE!!"

BRENT: "SURVIVORS READY?"

Rue: "Yeah!!"

Caden: "Uh-huh."

 BRENT: "GO!!"
Caden: "Woah-woah-woah!! WAIT! Wait...."
Rue: "Erm.... Yes?"

 Caden: "What is this? What are we supposed to do? Is this a staring contest or something?? Oh god, I hope it's not, they say your eyes are the window to your soul, and I don't want to be peaking into no stranger's soul! It's terrible, terrible luck, you know. What if you were the Devil? Then I'd be staring into the Devil's soul! Okay, that's ridiculous, I know, but seriously.... What's going on??"

Rue: "Uhm.... I can't tell if you're kidding or not, but either way.... Hold onto your togs!"

Caden: "AUGH!"

Caden: "Nooo-!!"

Dan the Cameraman: "Oh shiiiiit, I better moooooooooooove~!!"

*SPLASH*

*underwater bubble sounds*

Rue: "Woot woot! That was too easy.... Like stealing lollies from a baby!"

BRENT: "+1 for Bloodclaw, meanwhile this rain ain't gettin' any lighter!"

BRENT: "BRING IN THE NEXT LUCKY PAIR!
So far, Bloodclaw has 2 tokens, while Viperfang has 1. Close game so far!"

Linda: "Shaun!"
Plum: "What?"
Linda: "Oh, ignore me, just a little inside joke with any Heavy Rain gamers out there watching!"
Plum: "Ugh!! How are you doing that? I can't get on this stupid thing!"
Linda: "SHAUN!"

Linda: "Just hold down the RT button, Plum! It'll make you auto-climb."
BRENT: "....Dafuq?"
Linda: "You're just a Templar, you wouldn't understand."
BRENT: "What the bloody hell is this woman sayin'??"
Linda: "You're neither a pirate, nor an assassin, Brent. You're certainly no Captain Crook, either!"

BRENT: "'Righty then... Onwards with the mission!"
SURVIVORS READY?"

Plum: "OH EM GEE I'm so inconceivably cold right now! Yes, ready!!""

Linda: "SHAAAUN!"

BRENT: "GO!"
Linda: "Don't press A yet!!"
Plum: "Huh?"

Linda: "Don't press A to hit, and don't press B to kick yet either!!"
Plum: "Woah, don't fall off all on your own, girl!"

Linda: "SHAUUUUUN!!"

Linda: "Oh, I won't! I just want to make sure we talk first. Why waste such a perfect opportunity to discuss everything Mole?"
Plum: "Okay, I'm all ears. Actually, I'll likely be all lips, I do enjoy talking if I say so myself."

Linda: "Okay, well. I think we should take the money, for starters. I'm feeling confident enough in my suspects, I don't fear going home anytime soon. SHAUUUUN!!
 Plus, my tribe can probably win this thing without me. But what I really want to talk about are Mole suspects."

Plum: "Yeah? Sounds great to me! Why stop there? Why not just discuss everything?? I haven't had a chance to use Paddy the Parrot too much, so I know virtually nothing about your tribe. Tell me everything you know, and I'll tell you everything! Ooh, this is just SO exciting! I love all this gossip and intrigue!"

~ ...15 minutes later... ~


Plum: "....and Adrian is for sure a dark horse. That man is so mysterious! He'd be the PERFECT Mole, but he's almost too obvious as a suspect, so I'm basically discounting him for now. Georgie, on the other hand, is almost TOO sweet and unimpeachable. To the point of not quite being genuine whatsoever... There's something very, very fake about her, but I can't grasp what it is.... It's almost like she's hiding something. And you know what that means in this game.... So she's undoubtedly high on my suspects list."

 Plum: "Mason, he's an odd fellow for sure, I'm having trouble reading him as well. He's also hiding something, I can tell. Pretty much EVERYONE on my tribe is hiding something, and I've pretty much made it my mission to talk it out of all of them.
Step 1: Get all nice and cozy-cozy with them. Step 2: Share personal information about yourself to gain their trust. And Step 3: Wait for them to return the favor and profit. It's Journalism 101! You need to make your interviewee as comfortable as possible, and in order to get the best and most authentic information, they can't know they're being interviewed in the first place....
So anyway, that's everyone on my tribe!"

BRENT: "Uhm.... So I must remind you lovely ladies.... We ARE under a time crunch. We were ORIGINALLY plannin' on airing the entire duels, but you mates passed the two minute mark by a long shot.... Also, I can't understand either of you from this angle, and I'm gettin' bored countin' the number of fingers and toes I got."

Linda: "Okay, sorry Brent, we'll try and wrap this up soon. So Plum, what do you think of creating a coalition? I mean, we both just shared everything that coalition partners would share, so why not? We might even be the first to create an alliance cross-tribes. Although, there's no telling what's going on through Parrot Mail."

Plum: "Heck yeah! Of course! Sounds marvelous."

Linda: "Great! Now, what about this challenge?"

Plum: "I agree with what you said earlier. The money sounds good to me! I'll just have to count on my tribe to do the dirty work, but at least I'll be the one to help the group profit monetarily."

Linda: "So are you ready to shake hands?"
Plum: "I'd say so."

Linda: "Alright, perfect, let's lock this in then!"

[Can I get an 'LOL' at this fake picture?? Hahaha]

BRENT: "I OFFICIALLY DECLARE THIS MATCH....  A DRAW!!"

 BRENT: "You may jump off and warn the next victims of their impending soaking!! Muahahaha!"

Linda: "SHAAAAAAAAAAUUUUN!!!"

BRENT: "While we wait for the next opponents to arrive.... The current score?
2-1."

BRENT: "With only 2 matches left, that means if Bloodclaw wins just one more, they will earn immunity, exempt from Tribal Execution."

BRENT: "Viperfang's only hope at this point is to win the next 2 matches, or, if that's not achievable, win just 1 and draw the other by shaking hands."

BRENT: "In that event, the final tally would be 2-2, meaning we would reach a tie. If this were to occur, each tribe would then send their STRONGEST player to battle it out against the other tribe's strongest player, in a final round that determines who wins it all."

BRENT: "SURVIVORS READY?"


 Georgie: "You betcha!"

Isabelle: "Uh-huh."

Georgie: "Wait, no, I can't see!"

Isabelle: "Then this should be easy."

Georgie: "Hold up now, my mascara is gettin' all over-!!"

BRENT: "GO!"

Georgie: "WAIT!!"

 Georgie: "Stop, no-!!"

Georgie: "ACK!!"

Isabelle: "Sorry lady!"
 

*Isabelle kicks away at Georgie's arm*

Georgie: "No!"

Georgie: "Steady mamma, steady!!"

 Georgie: "Take THIS!"

*Georgie shoves at Isabelle's crotch area*

 Isabelle: "OUH--!!"

Isabelle: "-Ahhh!!"

*SPLASH*

 Georgie: "Whew!"

Georgie (huffing): "That was a close one, I'd reckon!"

 BRENT: "Congrats, Georgie! +1 token for Bloodclaw!!
Now if you could be so kind, send in the last two!"

 Georgie: "Next time, dear host.... Get yahself some nice ears so you can hear when someone has SHIT in their FRICKEN eyeballs!"
BRENT: "Georgie? You okay? You can jump off now."

 *Georgie stands up unsteadily*
Georgie: "Yes.... I know Brent. Just give me a minute to catch my breath... By golly."

 BRENT: "Woah!! Was that a flash of lightning I just saw??"

 BRENT: "This mission needs to wrap up soon, then. This show has had quite a reputation of getting lawsuits thrown at its face, and contestants getting electrocuted while standing up on high poles in the middle of a large body of water doesn't exactly help our case...."

BRENT: "Now for the final round.... Bloodclaw has already claimed victory, but Artie and Whitney don't know that yet. So, let's see what they decide to do:
Fight it out to the death, or sign a peace treaty and agree to share the wealth?"

BRENT: "....and yes, I know, I'm probably having too much fun with this, but this is bloody brilliant, mates!"

BRENT: "Last match, I'm sitting down for this one."

BRENT: "SURVIVORS READY?"

Artie: "Oui!"

Whitney: "OMG, like, yaaaaaas!!"

BRENT: "GO!"

 Artie: "Ooh, Je... or... I, know 'ow to solve zis!"

Whitney: "Yeah?"

 Artie: "Oui, rapidement! Whitney; what iz six devidé zéro?"

Whitney: "....Huh? How is a math problem going to solve anything?"

Artie: "Euh... It juste will, trust moi!"

Whitney: "Oh.... right- like, totally, it probs will, now that you menchen it! Uhm.... 'Right, so..... Carry the 2..."

*Whitney looks deep in thought*

Whitney: "6 zeros is 000,000, but I like totally don't think that's like a number..... Maybe if I multiply that, by uhm, 6...."
*Artie looks over at Brent*

 *Brent shrugs*

Whitney: "Wait, but that answer like totally doesn't make sense either! Errgh!"

Whitney: "OOH! I KNOW! 6 x 0 + 1/2, then -12, plus or minus 555, carry the 74, and I think-"

Whitney: "-you get something like 38? Wait, no, that's like NOT right AT ALL! Maybe it's more like... Hmm..."
Artie: *slightly pokes Whitney*

Whitney: "Er.... let me think, let me think! 6 + 0 - 3...."

 Whitney: "...divided by 17.... WAIT!"

 Whitney: "It like can't be that, because 17 is totally an even number!"

 Whitney: "...THEREFORE, the answer, TOTALLY must be..."

Whitney: "....something along the lines of like 223222 or 454544! Or, like, --"
 *SPLASH*

 
*muffled numbers can be heard* 
BRENT: "Is she STILL goin'??"

Whitney (talking underwater): "The answer is 5! Final answer!!"

Artie: "Le brain over la beauté! Oui oui oui!"

*Artie smirks a little*

 BRENT: "Well then. Smart strategy. I suppose that makes Artie our final winner of the day!"

Artie: "Fantastique!! And non, I don'z mean Ambrose Fantastique!"

 BRENT: "Let's go join the others and deliver the news!"

 BRENT: "Hope everyone enjoyed the mission, it sure was a fun one to watch!"

BRENT: "Now, let's discuss the results, since all of you should still be in the dark."

"Tony versus Adrian..... TONY won."

"Midge versus Mason..... MASON won."

 "Caden versus Rue..... RUE won."

"Linda versus Plum..... Ended in a DRAW."

 "Isabelle versus Georgie.... GEORGIE won."

"And Whitney versus Artie..... ARTIE won."

BRENT: "That means 1 token for Viperfang, and 4 tokens for Bloodclaw. Bloodclaw is the obvious winner here; they will NOT be joining me in tomorrow night's Tribal Execution."

BRENT: "Viperfang, on the other hand, will be joining me, for the second time in a row."

Tony: "Arrghh, come on guys! I was counting on you!"

 BRENT: "Since Plum and Linda were the only match-up that agreed to a draw, only 35 points will be added to the communal pot. I must say, in a mission where it was easy to get points, you mates fared pretty poorly. I mean, literally all you had to do was shake hands to earn the $35,000....That's 32183.92 euros! 50118.14 Aussie dollars! 62650 Netherlands Antillean Guilder!! 488038.25 Argentine Peso!! ... Okay I'm done. And no, I didn't memorize that, we hired a new interpreter after our last one.... died fatally. She just arrived from somewhere! Her name is Ms. I. Wave at the camera, Ms. I!"

 Ms. I: "Where's my umbrella? You promised me an umbrella, Brent!"

 BRENT: "HAHA!! She's a real comedian, that woman. Anywho-"
Caden: "Why can't WE have umbrellas? Well honestly I don't like umbrellas because I opened one indoors once and then, the next day my pet goldfish jumped out of his bowl and thus, tragically committed suicide-- but that's beside the point. What we REALLY want is something rain proof.... A tarp? Sleeping bags? At least a blanket?? Something, anything! This rain isn't stopping anytime soon!"

 BRENT: "Uh.... What did he say, Ms. I?"

Ms. I (via sign): {"I'm not interpreting for you until you give me my UMBRELLA!"}

BRENT: "Okey dokey then.... Before I let you all go, I must dish out the winning tribe's reward! You guys each get sleeping bags. Woohoo! As for Viperfang, you get one sleeping bag. Better than nothing, right?"

 Caden: "Ooh, that's a great idea! A sleeping bag would be MOST ideal."
Mason: "Ermm... not to be rude, but wasn't that YOUR idea? Except Brent didn't hear you say it."
Caden: "Huh? What was my idea?"
Mason: "...the sleeping bag?
Caden: "I didn't say that."
Mason: "Uh.... You did, actually."
Caden: "Nope. Wasn't me."
Mason: "But-"

Isabelle: "Do not bother with him. He has the memory capabilities of a fish."

Whitney: "OOH! Like Dory?!"
Isabelle: "Like who?"
Whitney: "Dory! From Finding Nemo!!"
Isabelle: "Finding who?"

Tony: "Not this again...."
Midge: "Someone make a distraction! Quick!"
Tony: "Uhm.... OH LOOK! A TSUNAMI!"
Midge: "No one's falling for that."
Tony: "I know...."

Whitney: "Finding Nemo! It's like, def a classic."
Isabelle: "Classic what? Song? I thoroughly enjoy classical music. Who sings it?"
Whitney: "....I like totally can't even LOOK at you right now."

Mason: "Memory of a fish, eh? Maybe he shares the memory of his beloved goldfish!"
*Caden glares at him*
Mason: "Oh, my apologies! .... Too soon?"
Caden: "It was 13 years ago."
Mason: "Oh, then you're fine, I'm sure."
Caden: "I STILL MOURN HIS DEATH EVERY NIGHT!"
Mason: "Woah! I- I'm sorry! Sorry to hear about your goldfish, I really didn't intend to offend..."
Caden: "I'll live."
Mason: "But he won't, unfortunately...."
*Caden gives him a death stare*
Mason: "I am.... SO incredibly sorry! I don't know where this is coming from!" 8-O

 Linda: "It's coming from the creators... The player controls everything. Every. Single. Move."

 BRENT: "OKAY! No more cross-tribal communication! Everyone go back to camp!!
See you tomorrow night, Viperfang."

 ***************************************************************************

 MISSION RESULTS:

1) Adrian vs. Tony (Sammi v Zefie)
2) Mason vs. Midge (Lo v Smarties)
3) Rue vs. Caden (Ninja v Kali)
4) Plum vs. Linda (Bean v Jake)
5) Georgie vs. Isabelle (Skelda v Tiger)
6) Artie vs. Whitney (Vul v Haylo)