The Mole 5: EPISODE 16: YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME

.:: Day 21 ::.

Morgan: "Hey Mason, can I speak with you for a bit?"

Mason: "AAHHHH!!"

Mason: "Oh, it's just you!!"

Mason: "...And the cameramen. Thanks for bringing them along with you..."

Mason: "...I'm sorry, I did not mean to sound so snarky. Sarcasm really does not look good on me...."

Morgan: "It's fine. And wow. Your unicorn sure got the beating, didn't he?"
Mason: "Yes, yes it did.... Uhm... So what I can help you with this fine day?"

Morgan: "I'm going to hate myself for asking this of you, but....
I need help being nicer. Can you help me?"

Mason: "Euhhh... Let's start by perhaps dropping that face expression first. It's not very, er... inviting?"

Morgan: "How about this one? Is this better?"

Mason: "Uhhhh...."

Morgan: "No?? Jesus christ, people are so sensitive nowadays... Okay, what about now?"

Mason: "Now you just look sad..."

Morgan: "...."

Mason: "You know what?? I'd love to help you, but I am actually a bit busy at the moment, so can we continue this lesson later? What do you say?!"

Morgan: "I say I'm screwed. I'm not even important enough to you for me to be a priority, compared to whatever the fuck you were doing earlier sticking your hand up your unicorn's ass. But I didn't ask, because I'm trying to be a BETTER PERSON. I sacrificed my own effigy yesterday, to give Rue the exemption, and has anyone looked at me any differently?? No. No they have not. I can never win."

Mason: "Oh, Morgan... One act of kindness isn't suddenly going to get you out of the doghouse. You're going to have to do more than that to build all of our trusts back... Personally, I know I'm still weary of you, hehe.... Uhm, but that's just because you lied to us for so long. It's super hard to trust you now, but over time, you may get it back.
Keep in mind that you have to be GENUINE with your acts of kindness. It can't be forced."

Morgan: "So you don't think letting Rue get the exemption was genuine of me? Got it. Messaged received. Thanks for nothing, Mason."

Mason: "That's not what I.... Oh well. Back to work!"

Mason: "Errr.... Could you give us some much-needed privacy, please?"

Mason: "More."

Mason: "That'll do. Thank you very much!"

Linda: "Today, I am going to work on the video game genre I am not good at, AKA, dating sims. I ended up writing down a series of three choices that somebody may make with a dating sim on slips of paper. Those choices are Go Swimming, Hug Linda, and Happy Happy Joy Joy in which I believe has something to do with frolicking or something. As for the guys I may choose, I believe Rue may not be the best choice out there so I went with Mason. Anyway, I hope everything goes well with the dating sim test."

Linda: "Ah, there he is!"

Linda: "HEY MASON!!"

Mason: "GAHHH!"

Mason: "...IT-IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!"
*Mason throws the unicorn up in the air and stands up quickly*

Linda: "Wow.... Such a beautiful, ROMANTIC setting...."

Mason: "Erm. I guess so?"
Linda: "Quite the sight...."

Mason: "I'm really sorry Linda, but I AM quite busy at the moment- can we continue this conversation some other ti-"

Linda: "What's poor Mr. Unicorn doing on the ground??"
Mason: "Huh?"

Linda: "Your beloved stuffed unicorn.... He's on the ground! Aren't you going to help him up?"

Mason: "Uhm.... No, she's fine. What's up? Is that what the new generation is saying these days?? 'What's up!' ...? Yes? No? Never mind. Continue on. But please be quick."
Linda: "What are you hiding."
Mason: "Nothing?"

Linda: "You're holding something in your hand right now!"
Mason: "No I'm not."
*Mason stuffs 'it' into his coat pocket*

Linda: "Just.... never mind. Come sit down with me!"
Mason: "Uhmmm... Okay?"

Mason: "....."

Mason: "So, uh... What can I, er.... Help you with?"

Linda: "...."

Mason: "Ummmmm..... Did I do something wrong?"

Linda: "What? No, of course not! I just want to recite a poem I wrote for you... Ahem...

Plumbers are Red,

Hedgehogs are Blue....

Press Start to join,

And be my Player Two."
Mason: "Oof...."

Mason: "That.... That was actually pretty lovely, Linda. Thanks for sharing. Are we done here?"

*something in his pocket beeps*

Linda: "What was that?"

Mason: "My cellular phone."

Linda: "...."

Linda: "How is it even possible to have something technological out here? You have no source of energy... Unless.... No, you wouldn't do that...."

Mason: "Do what?"

Linda: "Someone stole the battery pack from my video game headset a few days ago. Granted, there wasn't much battery left anyway."
Mason: "How curious."

Linda: "Very curious... Well, whatever you're hiding is none of my business. I have other matters at hand to attend to-"
*the same device in his pocket beeps again*
Dan the Cameraman: "Okay, what is that??"

Mason: "Dan, that's actually.... Well, uh.... It's my heart defibrillator, honestly. If you guys had known about my heart problems, you wouldn't have let me onto the show! Sorry to have lied, but I clearly wasn't the only one to do so this season... Is there any way I can get new batteries for it so it'll stop beeping?"

Dan the Cameraman: "I guess I can ask Karen if that's OK to do. What kind of batteries does it need?"
Mason: "....Triple A."

Linda: "Hey! That's the battery that my headset needed! Oh, you little devil... Is it really for a heart monitor??"

Mason: "Yes, it is! I wouldn't lie to you!"

Linda: "Well, alright then. I believed Caden when he said he wasn't gay, and I was right, so I'll believe you for now.... Even though none of that adds up..."

Mason: "Linda, why are you here? I don't mean to be so blunt, but... I don't get what you're trying to do, and it is bugging me quite a bit because I am usually good at detecting people's motives."

Linda: "You know what? Never mind. This isn't exactly going where I wanted it to. We can do this another time, when there's nothing beep-"

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

"-ing..... In your pocket."

Mason: "Well, I am sincerely sorry, but I still do not understand what you want."

Linda: "I just wanted to test dating out, Mason. Something that I have NEVER done before, something I have ZERO experience in. And that CLEARLY showed today, because I most utterly SUCK."

Linda: "Thanks for nothing, Mason."

Mason: "Well then. I suppose after today, the women around here will learn to stop coming to me for help!
...Oh drats. That's not very chivalrous of me, is it? Sorry mother. I will try to help these women out more in the future."

Dan the Cameraman: "I just got word that I need to confiscate your device. Please hand it over."
Mason: "How? It's attached to my heart."
Dan the Cameraman: "No it's not. Now, please."
Mason: "MR. UNICORN DID IT! QUESTION HIM FIRST!"

.:: Day 22 ::.

Artie: "Zut.... Mon violet couleur iz gone encore??"

Artie: "Bonjour, Rue!"

Rue: "What now, Artie?"

Artie: "Mon couleurs need remplir... er... replenishing!"

Rue: "That must suck."

Artie: "...."

Artie: "If I collecte ze fruitz zis time, will you make zit pour me? Pwease?"

Rue: "Let me think about that..... NO."

Artie: "Oh, pwease, Rue! I needz some violet, bleu, and rouge for mon new masterpiece!"

Rue: "Okay."

Artie: "I want to sell mon paintings zat I paint on zis island, après I am exécuted. In ze event zat I am exécuted tonight, I needz to finish zis painting bientôt!!"

Rue: "That's lovely and all, but what's my benefit? What do I gain? No one EVER seems to really care about that. 'Rue will do this for you!' 'Rue will do that!'.... But do I get anything but a pointless 'Thanks'?"

Artie: "Bien...."

Rue: "No, Artie. The answer is NO. I'm just run over out here, all the time, again and again, and no one ever really checks in with me."

Artie: "Rue, it IZ a rue à double sens.... Er.... I mean, a deux-way rue! ...Still not right.... I meant, un 'two-way street'."

Rue: "....Wait, what? You said my name twice.... Does 'rue' mean 'street' in French? Of fucking course it does. That just verifies that I'm roadkill, getting run over by you people and left out to die on the street. Thanks for that, Artie."

Artie: "I am sorry. Truly. You are droite... right. You right. I owe you. Vut do you want in échange?"

Rue: "Glad you asked. A page of your journal."

Artie: "Pardon??"

Rue: "You heard me. For every favor that I do for you from now on, you have to rip out a page from your journal, and let me keep it."

Artie: "Iz zat even légal?!"

Izzy: "Hey, move it or lose it, people!"

Izzy: "Momma I needs to shit some bricks, pronto, stat, IMMEDIATELY. We got no time to waste, people! Now MOVE!"

Izzy: "....Why isn't he moving?"

Rue: "'He', is on strike."

Izzy: "Okay.... Do you really have to go on strike HERE, in front of our toilet??"

Rue: "Correction; this is MY toilet, not 'our' toilet. Mine only. If you want to have access to MY toilet, the one that I built from scratch, then you can do me a favor and rip a page out of your journal, and hand it over for one day's use of the golden throne behind me."

Izzy: "Rip out a page of my journal?! I can't believe... Wow. I can't believe I'm saying this, because mature people are NEVER FUN EVER.... but... You are being VERY immature right now, Rue! Come on, just let me in! I don't have my journal on me. Could you accept another favor? How about I flash you??! If I flash you, will you let me use the pottie??"

Rue: "Uhm.... No?"

Izzy: "Grrrr....."

Izzy: "I don't have time for this! I'll go poop in the ocean!"

Rue: "So what will it be?"

Artie: "I supposer I shall récupérer mon journal for you.... I be back soon."

Rue: "Good girl."

Artie: "...."

BRENT: "Pick a seat, any seat!"

BRENT: "Alright, we have no time to waste, since we got some business to attend to!"

BRENT: "First and foremost; my most recent translator accidentally swallowed some poison ivy, and his throat clogged up before our medic team could attend to him, so unfortunately, he is no longer with us.
That means we are waiting on a new translator to arrive tomorrow! Until then, no one speak to me, because reading lips is FAR too difficult! Thanks in advance, mates!"

BRENT: "Secondly... A cameraman witnessed Mason with possession of an unapproved device, and after confiscation, we discovered that it was actually a RECORDING DEVICE. Mason, please explain to your tribemates what you already explained to us."

Mason: "Alright... Well, this isn't exactly one of my better moments, but.... I hid a recording device inside my 'beloved' unicorn, to aid me throughout the season so that I could spy on conversations and get secret intel about everyone. I figured bringing one would be useful regardless of whether or not I'm the Mole. If I wasn't, I could listen to game talk. If I was, I could tell who was suspecting me, and then I could try and remedy that."

Mason: "Long story short... I pretended to care for that unicorn tremendously, so that nobody would question why a grown man brought a unicorn everywhere with him. I would bring it with me when I entered a conversation, and then leave it there so that I could later listen to what was said after I left. Of course, it being chewed up by a dog, thrown around, catching fire, and being tossed into a lake wasn't ideal for the recorder, so I'm honestly quite surprised it survived this long. However, it is out of batteries and practically useless by this point.... Not that that matters.... I'm fully aware that I broke several rules, and I am IMMENSELY sorry, everyone. Please forgive me."

Linda: "I don't know what to say."
Rue: "You should have told me, I would have built a solar charger!"
Artie: "Hmm... Vut iz ze punishment??"
Izzy: "I wonder if it recorded anyone having sex! How kinky you are, Mason!"
Morgan: "I suppose I'm not one to talk. I lied to all of you as well."

BRENT: "We haven't decided on his punishment yet, but it will be something very significant. This is a CLEAR violation of the rules, I don't know what got into your head, mate! My Poseidon!
Welp, you still had your Grub, so whether or not you were planning to use that tonight, we have taken that from you. We'll decide on the rest of your punishment later."

BRENT: "For now, we have a double execution to take care of!"

BRENT: "As we all know, Rue got the exemption last mission, which makes him automatically immune tonight.... Once again."

Rue: "Just be happy I showed up tonight! I didn't have to."
Morgan: "Someone's ego has inflated to the size of a Jumpee... Can I take the honors of popping it?"

Mason: "Morgan... What did we talk about?"
Morgan: "Right... Sorry Rue, you earned your exemption. Oh wait... I handed it to you on a golden platter."
Mason: "Morgan..."
Morgan: "Riiiight.... I have nothing nice to say, so I'll shut up."
BRENT: "Is everyone done chit-chatting? If so... Let's get right into it!"

BRENT: "In just a moment, the notorious Kiwi winds will pass through, extinguishing the flames of the two players that scored the lowest on tonight's quiz. The odds are not great tonight, so I hope everyone has mentally prepared for the worst outcome...
Alright, everyone ready? Good. Because the results are in...."

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BRENT: "Sorry Linda, Artie, but you both have been eliminated. Please say your final words and make your way to the zipline over yonder."

Artie: "Tout I can say, iz zat zis 'as been un one-in-a-life l'expérience, and I would non trade zit for ze world!! ... Euh, maybe I might trade zit for a loup-garou boy-friend instead, hehehe, but odzer zan zat, I am very content, and I had much amusement!"

Linda: "As for me, I would kill to figure out who this dang Mole was! I can't believe one of you fooled me this entire time. I had SO many skills, how did I lose? Where's the restart button? WHY CAN'T I SAVE FROM MY LAST CHECKPOINT?!?"

Morgan: "You're going to KILL someone?? Jeez. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, then?"

Linda: "How dare you. My tree is gone."
Izzy: "Hey, at least your tree wasn't crazy! Oh, wait... Let me start over: At least your tree didn't oppress you like mine did! My parents suck ass.... And I mean that in a bad way."

Linda: "Did you seriously just suggest that having dead parents is better than sucky parents??"

Izzy: "Yeah, honestly, I wish my parents died in a fire or something. I wouldn't have had such a repressed youth otherwise."
Linda: "I can't believe this..."

Linda: "I can't believe what I'm hearing... I thought maybe, just MAYBE, you guys were my fr-friends... But no. Izzy is a spoiled brat, Morgan is a female dog, Mason apparently has been spying on us this ENTIRE game, PLUS he stole my battery pack, and Rue? Just selfish. He can't do nice things for others now without wanting something back in return. That's not called being selfless, Rue."

Linda: "And the worst part? Whoever the Mole is, has been lying directly to my face since day 1 and right now, at this exact moment, is likely THRILLED that I was fooled by you this entire time."

LInda: "JUST when I thought I could trust people again... Humanity has reared its ugly head and has proven that Man is only capable of one thing: self-gain. I can't even LOOK at you people right now.... I am so hurt right now, I-I-just..... gahhh...."

*Linda begins to tear up... All her hope and happiness has suddenly been extinguished*

Artie: "Linda.... I juzt wanted to say, zat.... You 'ave a friend en moi."

Artie: "Come on now, mon beau child."

Artie: "Zere's a big world out zere, so let's explorer it togedzer, oui?"

*Linda smiles and wipes a tear away*
Linda: "Haha, oui oui! Thank you............ friend."

BRENT: "Well then, if that wasn't just the cutest and most heartwarming moment you've ever seen, then I'm astonished! What a way to go out. Luckily, we will see both of them again Finale night!"